Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label healing. Show all posts

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Negativity


There are these odd days when nothing seems to happen to you but a whole lot happens everywhere around you. It is intriguing that on closer introspection, what happens around you is somehow closely related to you. Why do what people say affect me? Actually they don't... not very much at least. I now see that people are saying only things that affect me. Odd right? The problem is in me. I'm making them say these things. Nope I am not telepathic now (I wish).

I have filled myself with so much negativity that I twist situations to suit that frame of mind. I feel sad when I see beggars on the streets and I wish I could do something. I have the same feeling of despair when I watch extremists impose their will on the weak and defenseless. I am most miserable when I see children begging for money to satisfy their hunger, not knowing that there is a life beyond ensuring that there is dinner. But what I don't see is that there are situations that are not as bad as I make them out to be. What I seem to forget is that I have in me the possibility of making things better.

My feelings influenced the mood in this case. Its time to let their feelings influence me. I give the beggars some food and their faces light up like the fireworks at New Year. Didn't that make a difference? In a small way... it did! Small incidents like this are helping me drive the negativity out. Its time for a little more balance. Its time for healing! Finally, after so long, I think there is a way out!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Still Missing You!




Been six months since the big breakup -- the big kapish! All these days later, I sat down to see if this has changed me in any way. And apparently it has. It was so much easier back then. I didn't care for anyone else and I didn't care if others cared either. Its no fun to be alone so suddenly. It sucks to feel so incomplete. The world around me has changed. I know there are some people who definitely hate me for some reason. Thats the sad part - I don't even know the reason. This seems so much the like the old days at college.

Considering how vulnerable I feel, I find it even more difficult to start over with all these people behaving in such a manner. I think I should take off for some time and work on other things. Obviously, work is not as fulfilling and time-consuming as I hoped it would be. It is tough to understand what I'm going through because - as cliched as it may sound - I don't have words to describe the loneliness. I have become unusually rude to people to keep them away from me. I know of many people I could have really hurt if I let my sarcasm out. Thank god I've not fallen that far.

I am writing all this so that I know what I felt like even after I have healed. I understand that the first step in healing is to forget the past. I've done a lot of things I regret. Its time to move on. And thats what I am going to do. I have made many new friends who I like. I don't care overly much for the ones who know hate me. At the end of the day, my problems and these people are probably nothing compared to what some others are going through. I call a time-out.

Love & Peace

- Aj